1. |
Just Sinking In
03:02
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was i always this clumsy
at saying goodbye?
now the summer of lavender oil
and formaldehyde
seems like forever ago
was it a dream?
It's just sinking in now
how lonely i'll be
It's just sinking in now
how lonely i'll be
when you leave
you were a voice for the voiceless
when you didn't feel strong
those crying spells in library shelves
that you kept to yourself for so long
they finally took a toll
in a way no one could see
It's just sinking in now
how lonely i'll be
It's just sinking in now
how lonely i'll be
when you leave
all of a sudden a chasm
opened up in the road we once shared
all alone in the hum of my headphones
i feel so guilty and scared
that if i'd given you more
it might have changed everything
It's just sinking in now
how lonely i'll be
It's just sinking in now
how lonely i'll be
just sinking in now
how lonely i'll be
when you leave
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2. |
Got it All Wrong
04:38
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the city skyline threads a promise
through the stars
that the good times won't stop rolling
away from where you are
the ghost of summer perfume
wanders through the hall
i never met the neighbors
i hear their headboards bang against the wall
i can't shake this feeling that i got it all wrong
i got it all wrong
i can't shake this feeling i got it wrong
the moon runs on a treadmill
where she flaunts her waning physique
she's beaming down a message:
the more you lose the more beautiful you'll be
so when will someone love me
for everything i've given up?
every smile is disappointing
when you're holding out for a standing ovation
i can't shake this feeling that i got it all wrong
i got it all wrong
i can't shake this feeling i got it wrong
storm clouds tap their fingers
keeping time on the windowsill
as if to serve as a reminder:
if you haven't found yourself by now, you never will
but i lost my inner child in a mall
i should have put him on a leash
now there's an explanation
where every miracle used to be
i can't shake this feeling that i got it all wrong
i got it all wrong
i can't shake this feeling i got it wrong
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3. |
Impostor
04:32
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carol, i can't help feeling afraid
i'm like an advertisement speeding by
on an unmanned escalade
"i know just what you need"
isn't that something?
isn't that something i'm supposed to say?
carol i've been putting everybody on
i can't keep carrying your admiration
i'm just not that strong
if i'm not an impostor
i'm a great dane wearing bifocals
and a long white coat, playing doctor
i don't want to be your impostor
i don't want to be your impostor
carol, i know i've been putting myself down
well my brain is a cornfield maze of narcissistic doubt
i thought i'd be free by now
am i too old to change?
am i too young to know how?
carol i can't help feeling afraid
courage is a mask i wear
it works most of the day
if i'm not an impostor
i'm a spy on a nudist beach
with a fake mustache and flesh tone boxers
i don't want to be your impostor
i don't want to be your impostor
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4. |
Through Me
04:12
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through me, right through me
i let your love go
through me, right through me
i let your love go
i can't understand myself the way i want to
welcome home, you're a valentine in a vacuum
now i'm empty as a january stocking
nail my edges to the wall
let the tramadol do all the talking
through me, right through me
i let your love go
through me, right through me
i let your love go
i admit i was not prepared for this
just a streak of bedpan humor
pink recliner in the dark abyss
but if you have to live out another lie
make it so good no one ever wonders
so good no one ever wonders why
if you have to live out another lie
make it so good no one ever wonders
so good no one ever wonders why
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5. |
Like a Light
04:02
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won't you bury me by the boardwalk
in sand up to my neck
i will imagine my way to a new heart
while you build sandcastle breasts on me
i don't want to go out, i don't want to go out
i don't want to go out like a light
i've been fighting a long time
take me back to the hometown baby shower
i blew off last week
i found a stuffed giraffe almost big enough
to hide the darkness in me from me
i don't want to go out, i don't want to go out
i don't want to go out like a light
i've been fighting a long time
barely conscious in batman boxers
with electrodes and IVs
the truth is a hand rolled bible page cigarette
that burns too bright to believe
i don't want to go out, i don't want to go out
i don't want to go out like a light
i've been fighting
like a light
i've been fighting a long time
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6. |
Square One
02:57
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don't get me started
i don't think i can start over today
how could i forget
square one could be such a lonely place
it seems like only yesterday
you were slipping my pajamas over your lingerie
now i can barely admit that you're gone
when the truth comes to my lips i start breaking down
oh nothing is clear nothing's clear
just the fear just the fear just the fear
what's this emptiness coming around?
don't get me started
i'm too brokenhearted to try anyway
i'm a sweatpants jesus
hotboxing my tomb all afternoon on easter sunday
i know i've got my excuses
i'm gonna need them just to get through the week
no burning bushes, no wishing wells
just a backyard birdbath covered in ivy
oh nothing is clear nothing's clear
just the fear, just the fear, just the fear
what's this emptiness coming for me?
don't get me started
i don't think that i can start over today
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7. |
What's Left
03:46
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when i threw out your toothbrush
i finally made up my mind
i can't take you back
i can't take you back even if i love you
the rest of my life
maybe in the morning
all the dread
will dry up like the drool
you always left on my side of the bed
god it's funny the things you miss:
a list of grocery store puns,
watching my cat play with your toes while you pissed
and what am i
what am i
what am i supposed to do
with what's left of me after letting go of you
now everyday feels like
i'm working through
an endless stack of magazines
in a doorless waiting room
there's the litter box,
the trash can and the dishes too
all the flower pots turned into ash trays in an afternoon
and what am i
what am i
what am i supposed to do
with what's left of me after letting go of you
there's not much left of me after letting go of you
i thought that we had decades to go
i thought i would have held your hand
all day in the nursing home
washed your feet and tilted your cup
if you couldn't say "i love you"
i'd have said it for the both of us but
what am i
what am i
what am i supposed to do
with what's left of me after letting go of you
what's left of me after letting go of you?
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8. |
Overgrown
04:30
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there's a ball of squirrel bones and fur
lodged in my sternum
i've heard i should kill these darling dreams but darling
i can't hurt them
leave my hopes in an iron lung
to outlive all good reason
hanging on like a dying sun
for the last house cat left breathing
my heart is overgrown
the weeds of a love left unknown
always give up so slowly
can you forgive that?
forgive my lingering eye, josephine
every draft of every letter
that i wrote rang true
obsessed over details
that could not mean less to you
i've been rearranging furniture
in the penthouse while it's burning
and spraying febreze on roadkill birds
to ease their passing
my heart is overgrown
the weeds of a love left unknown
always give up so slowly
can you forgive that?
forgive my lingering eye, josephine
i guess i knew it in my brain
but not my heart
i don't mind the letting go
but i don't know how to start
time will come with a dirty dishrag
to clean off all my counters
when it does i'll perch on your wine stain
to preserve a reminder
of my heart getting overgrown
with weeds of a love left unknown
i'm still thankful but it's hard to show
can you forgive that?
forgive my lingering eye, josephine
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Chad Murla Richmond, Virginia
Chad Murla is a singer-songwriter based in Richmond, VA whose bedroom recordings and lyrical stylings draw heavily from influences like War on Drugs, Andy Shauf, Whitney, The National, and Father John Misty.
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